I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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