Christians are straight up FREAKS
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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