and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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