Pappa wants mamma naked
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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