areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
