Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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