she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
