It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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