some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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