Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
