My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
