Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
