peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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