Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize