There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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