you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
