Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
