And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
