drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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