I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
