Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
