I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
