She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
