Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
