Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
