You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
