I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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