I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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