THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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