he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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