Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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