dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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