Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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