i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
