apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
