Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
