He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
