Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it's like iHOP with fire
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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