So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
