My Higher Power is John Stamos
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
