fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
