she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
