Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
