I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
