He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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