its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
this hospital has no fireball
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
