My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
