Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
