thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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