Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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