I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
