This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
