Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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