Betty ford says i'm here all night
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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