you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
