can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
