theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
