Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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