brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
