Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Randomize
