Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
