You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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