apparently the secret to your success is patron
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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