She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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