I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
