So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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