Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize