Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
