if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize