And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
