sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
