he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
