Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
