I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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