Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
