I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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