I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
