Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dignity is for republicans.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
