just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
