I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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