Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
