Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
