I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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