He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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