On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
