Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
