Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
your room smells of hookers.
And success
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
