So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize