WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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