Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
