yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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