No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ttyl tear gas
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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