I wanna bring you to show and tell
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
