I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
